I still remember that day and it shakes me to my core till date. That evening felt heavier than usual. That day when nothing made sense. I hadn’t eaten, not even spoken to anyone. I had failed UPSC, the exam I had prepared for day and night, the exam that carried not just my dreams, but the expectations of my parents too, their disappointment cut deeper than any wound. I felt like a failure. A thought kept haunting me until it consumed me completely, "Am I not good enough?”. That evening, I went up to the terrace. I felt numb as I stood there, looking down, thinking to myself that ending it all would be easier than carrying this pain, the pain of expectations. All that was left was just one step further and it’ll all be over.
But just as I was about to, I heard a voice. My friend had followed me upstairs, he looked at me with pure concern, pulled me back, and said, “You don’t have to do this. You’re not alone.” I started sobbing uncontrollably. Just hearing those words saved my life. My friend didn’t stop there, he recommended me a psychologist, and I began therapy. Slowly, I began to understand myself better. I realized that what I wanted wasn’t death, but an escape from the heavy burden I was carrying. Suicide was a mere step to run away from all my problems. I understood that failing an exam didn't mean life was over, rather it was an opening to a new way of how I looked at my own life. But sadly I chose the wrong path back then, but not anymore! With the right support, I began to heal.
This is where I understood something important: people who attempt suicide don’t always want to die. They are crushed by their pain, whether it’s academic failure like mine, family pressure, financial struggles, society's impossible expectations or their own. The mind gets so trapped in darkness that ending life feels like the only way out.
Today is 10th September, World Suicide Prevention Day, and it makes me remind that not everyone is as fortunate as I was. I had a friend who saved me, but many others stand on the same edge, and there is no one to stop them, no one to say “Everything will be alright”. Every person in this society, may it be a farmer or a student like me should know that failure is not the end of life. They should get proper assistance, from a psychologist, a friend or even a family member.
It's not just about them, but also about us, just being there for someone who is screaming but no one can hear. Sometimes, a kind word, attentive listening, or reminding them that they matter can change everything for a person. So if you ever come across someone who looks disheartened, even if it's your enemy, don’t just pass by. A small 'Are you okay?' or just spending a little time with them can mean a lot more than we realize. As someone who has been on the other end, take it from me that the tiniest effort we show today could be the reason someone decides to hold on for tomorrow.
-Mrunmayee Pataskar
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