As per the third law of Newton, “every action has an equal and opposite reaction. But do we have to follow this principle in our real life as well? Sometimes it is important to take few moments before reacting. Instantaneous reaction can cause harm on both sides. Thinking ideally and then responding is always a better option. There is the slightest difference between reacting and responding. This difference lies in a deep breath, a pause or a brief moment of mindful thought about the situation. The pause could mean a few breaths as a person allows instantaneous reaction to fade away in his mind and wait till the return of balance. This small yet powerful difference can create a drastic change in life.
The word reaction Itself explains it is an instant action. When people react, it seems to be defensive. People seem to be at a disadvantage. They are uncomfortable with what is being said or done. In reactions, emotions take a central role. Reaction lack in ‘filtering process’. But on the other hand response is more thoughtful process. It contains reasoning. Responding is guided less by emotion and more by logic. It explores possibilities of various outcomes which may impact lives. That is why a wise person has compared reaction with a bottle of Soda while comparing response to a bottle of water. We know how strong and hasty soda is, where water is calm and cool.
In the time of conflict, a foolish person always reacts destructively while a wise person responds constructively. A response can change even a conflict into enlightenment. It is said that peace comes not from the absence of the conflicts but the ability to cope up with it. And a thoughtful response to a situation could help in developing the ability to cope up with the problems. As the famous author Bob Proctor has said, “When you react you are giving away your powers; but when you respond, you are staying in control of yourself. There is an acronym that various psychologists suggest to use before reacting-P.L.A.C.E. Pause, Labeling your reaction, Asking yourself why, Choosing a skillful response, Empowering yourself. By increasing ‘Spiritual Intelligence’ a person can at least attempt to think about the situation from various perspectives.
We see so many examples of how reacting instantly and without caring about consequences can cause negative impact in lives. For example, we see politicians arguing uselessly over unimportant things. Sometimes they react so quickly and get themselves into trouble. But on the other hand we see some people who remain calm even in the situation where others cannot. They channelize their energy into a positive and enlightening response. There is a story of Gautam Buddha. Once a man became envious of Buddha’s calm nature. He became determined to make Buddha angry by any means. So one day he went to him and started verbal abusing to him. The man did everything he could to make his plan successful. But Buddha did not react at any point instead he had a gentle smile on his face as always. He listened to the man calmly. After he seemed to finish Buddha asked that man, “If I give you something and what if you don’t take it. Where would it go?” “Of course it won’t go anywhere. Obviously it’ll remain to me. Don’t you know such basic things?” The man replied arrogantly. Then Buddha gently smiled and said. “Similarly I didn’t take what you were trying to give me from quite a long time. So it remains to you. And why do you want to burden yourself with such negativity? Throw that negativity outside and start being a positive person.” This piece of advice changed that man’s life. He later became the man Buddha advised him to be. This story is the perfect example of how a calm and gentle response can save lives from turning into a mess.
It takes a lot to reach at the peak where people like Buddha were. It is certainly hard but not impossible. No one is perfect. Everyone has flows. But not letting those flows overcoming situations is the key to healthy relations. We all are humans and I think being a human it is our birthright to make mistakes. A person cannot remain ideal in each and every situation. Emotions are bound to impact certain situations. Emotions are not static. But an emotional response can certainly impact in a negative way. A person has to control immediate reactions with an overall thought about the possible outcomes. Many times due to an unexpected situation, we might give an emotional reaction; but we may regret it later. At that time it is important to apologize after realizing mistakes.
As Rick Hanson has said, “Neurons that fire together that wire together.” The more you become calm and nonreactive, the more you invite responses, the better your life becomes. As a wise man once said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose response. In our response lie our growth and our freedom.”
Vaadasabha Member
Shravani Acharya
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